Some internal conflict to make you feel more at peace

Recently I find myself torn between convictions. This is happening in my political thoughts as well as my philosophical thoughts. I'm struggling between my desire to help people and my thoughts that people should work to help themselves. While these ideas may not seem so contradictory, there's extremely difficult to resolve in my own mind. I'm hoping that physically writing out these frustrations may help to quell the conflicting desires in me.

I also find myself torn between my interest in technological gadgets and entertainment and my belief in the naturally occurring goodness of simplicity, which cannot easily coexist with all the distractions that accompany technology.

What think you?

On another note, I've been really enjoying La Aroma De Cuba cigars in their smaller form. If you can get your hands on one, snag it. A truly tasty smoke.

Some news

You may have been wondering why this blog is dying a slow death. The answer to that is another blog that has been getting too much attention. I wanted to develop a blog that was a little more academic and a little less personal. I want this blog to keep going so I decided to dedicate this blog to my haphazard miscellaneous interests like it always have been.
If you’re interested in a more blog from my more academic side, you can find that here:
Dionysiangenerator.wordpress.com
So, now that that’s out of the way…there’s been a lot going on. I moved into a new place in Los Angeles and I’ve begun to attend California State University, Northridge. So far, I’m loving all the changes. It’s a starkly different atmosphere compared to Antelope Valley Community College. I’m really enjoying the academic culture as well as the university culture that a community college just don’t have. All my classes seem like they’ll be interesting and help develop my literary repertoire.
I’m also paying rent for the first time in my life. That’s a new experience. When I was younger, I used to feel that paying monthly just to live somewhere was a ridiculous idea. I’m still not a big fan but I really think I traded up, so to speak. I moved out of my parent’s house in the arm-pit of California and into the city, where things actually happen. That’s one thing I’m extremely grateful for. Instead of rednecks driving huge trucks around, there are all kinds of people everywhere. There are huge variations in culture except that at the end of the day, everyone’s from LA. I really like that.
The fact that I’ve moved out of my parents’ house and living on my own is still sinking in, I think. There are just so many new experiences that are going on at the same time, it’s hard to find a place to stand. I feel like I’ve learned so much in such a short amount of time. It’s really incredible. I’ll probably have some sort of inspired moment in a few months where the weight of everything just hits me all of a sudden. It’s happened to me before and I wouldn’t be surprised if it happened to me again.
I’m looking forward to all the new stuff coming my way. I’d love to supplement my job with my girlfriend’s dad with some freelance writing work. I just finished responding to a few want ads so hopefully something good comes of that. I mean, someone’s going to have to give the new guy a chance sometime, right?

AZ Immigration Instigation

I wasn't really surprised with the latest piece of legislation to roll off the Arizona legislation press. With the amount of undocumented workers ever-increasing, there was bound to be some form of rebuttal from the right-wing.

This bill seemed to start off innocently enough, but we all knew it wasn't going to be passed quietly. Any given piece of legislation having to do with immigration opens up a variable shit-storm of controversy. There are just too many issues tied to this one national problem. I say "national" problem because that's what it is. The Constitution of the United States dictates the responsibility of immigration to the congress, i.e. the federal government. Arizona taking this issue into it's hands appears to be totally unconstitutional, all be it completely understandable.

This law doesn't really do a whole lot more than what the federal and state laws do already. Of course it's illegal to be in a country without going through the system and doing what's required to become a citizen or a legally documented migrant worker. The problem with this particular piece of legislation is that it focuses on individuals of color as targets for Arizona police officers. The law mentions "reasonable suspicion" which is similar to "probably cause" but far more vague. While the law says absolutely nothing about Mexican immigrants being the primary problem (remember what state we're in here), it's quite clear who's going to be racially profiled.

I understand people not wanting illegal immigrants in their country taking advantage of the nation's resources at no cost to them. That just doesn't seem to be the case. Immigrants have always been the ones to pick up the slack, especially in younger countries like our own. These immigrants perform the tough manual labor that most Americans would not do, or demand much higher pay. And that is precisely the root of this complex issue.

Employers running the farming industry in the parts of the state near the border are more than happy to hire a worker who is here illegally because said worker will labor for longer hours being paid less than anyone else. That means wider profit margins for that employer. When you look at the big picture, both parties involved are breaking the law. The immigrant is breaking the law to find work and support him(her)self and their family and the employer is breaking the law to make more money. Of course there are exceptions to every rule but if we're honest with ourselves, that's generally how it breaks down. Who's intent is more malicious? That's not really for me to decide.

It's a complex issue with a complex solution that still desperately needs to be hammered out. I'm not presenting any solution myself because I'm unsure how exactly to work this out. All I want to do is to open those eyes that need opening. Things aren't always as cut and dry as people make them out to be.

There are many who fly under the flag of "don't let those illegal aliens take my jobs, throw all back over to Mexico!" and that's a big heaping plate of ignorance.

White Supremacist Rally in Los Angeles

This may be old news to those who actually keep up on their current events. I realize this is from several days ago but I'm just now getting an opportunity to sit down and formulate some sort of response.
My initial reaction was surprise. While I understand that there is literally every kind of person in Los Angeles, it's remains to be upsetting that such blatant ignorance is still rearing it's ugly head. We're in 2010 now and we have made plenty of progress towards equal rights for all Americans as well as towards lessening discrimination and misunderstanding in the world, but that doesn't mean we have eradicated it entirely.
It seems that people revert back to comfortable notions and ideas when they feel especially threatened or uncomfortable. I believe that this is the case with these Neo-Nazis showing up before City Hall. They are most likely a group with already radical tendencies, showing their fear and ignorance. I suppose it's just upsetting to me to still see such blatant retardation of values in America.

All one can do is promote equality and understanding and hope for the best.

Here is the link to the Los Angeles Times article: http://articles.latimes.com/2010/apr/18/local/la-me-white-supremacist18-2010apr18

Tobacco Review: Dunhill's London Mixture

If you're a lover of English Blends, this is a must-try tobacco. Dunhill is known for their high-quality, and for very good reason. Every time I open up a tin from Dunhill, the tobacco is always nice and moist without being too wet, which is perfect. To start off this review, this is a Latakia blend with some Virginias and Turkish tobaccos added. The strength would have to be medium to mild in my opinion. This stuff smokes cool. You can't get it to bite even if you tried.
Upon opening the tin (or bag), the aroma is great. That English spice from the Latakia is just great. It makes you want to stop whatever you're doing and pack a bowl right there and then. It packs nicely, and is best enjoyed in a large bowl. Upon lighting this tobacco, the mildness of this blend really becomes noticeable.
It is a really cool smoke and pleasant to all the senses. It's not so strong an English that it'll will chase women away, but you probably won't have too many coming up and complimenting you on how nice it smell, but this is true of virtually all English blends.
All in all this is a really delicious smoke. If I'm in the mood for a no-nonsense English, this is my go-to blend. The only think that this tobacco lacks is body. It has lots of flavor but until the very end of the bowl, the smoke has very little thickness and body to it, it feels pretty light, which is not my favorite thing in an English blend. If you smoke Virginias often, you'll notice how much more body they have compared to this English blend.
If you're in the mood for an overall pleasant English blend without too much complexity or fluff, this is the way to go. Cheers.

lots of stuff

I haven't been posting much lately because my family and I are in the process of moving. We're not moving far from where we live now but it's the transportation of the crap accumulated by a family of four over a period of 15 years that's cumbersome. I'm moving out of my childhood house, and it's an interesting feeling. I feel a little sad at times but it feels great to be starting a new chapter in my life.

The interesting thing is that I might not be living there long at all if I get into California State University of Northridge. If I am accepted, I'll be moving down to Los Angeles and in with my girlfriend, which is a whole new set of experiences and emotions. So all in all, it's a lot to take in.

I'll try to write here more often. I definitely have a couple of Pipe and Tobacco posts to write. Cheers.

what about the rent?

I haven't posted in a while because I've been busy living my life and making life-altering decisions. My life has been slowly turning into our life and it scares the shit out of me. It's getting to be about that time for me to move out of my parents house and "spread my wings" to be extra cliche.
There's just so much to consider by way of work, school, and living expenses. I'm turning into an adult and it's scary.

Clinical acceptability questionability

There's a part of my being that craves to feed and grow and thrive. It wants to crawl out of my body and devour everything in it's path. I don't know what to do with this part of myself constantly clawing for fresh change and intellectual stimulation. There are times when I feel like mentally shutting down and checking out for a while but that aforementioned portion of myself refuses to remain quiet for long.
This insatiable craving for challenge and action seems to manifest itself in my continually changing ideas and thoughts. I rearrange my room from time to time just to satisfy that part of myself. I crave new music. I devour new books and new ideas without feeling the least bit full.
Some aspects of this beast scare me. Is it clinically acceptable to be partially afraid of oneself? For the most part, this beast is a welcomed part of my being. I worry about it getting out of control, but maybe that's what needs to happen from time to time.

Someone you Need to Read.

I've fallen in love with T.C. Boyle and his excellent writing. Upon reading the first novel I've read of his, I'm desperate to read more.
The best way I can think of to describe his writing would be to say that it's like a punk song with poetic lyrics. There is so much energy in his writing that it's hard to notice the other features of his writing but there's an abundance of beautifully written descriptions and gentle nuances that wrap you up in the story and make you care about the characters.

I'll definitely be reading more of T.C. Boyle and I want to thank him for the inspiration he's lent me as a writer myself. Cheers.

Writerdom

What does it mean to be a writer? After a long bike ride to the house of a friend, we were sitting on the porch talking about what it meant to be a writer, a poet in particular. He boiled it down to the notion that writers are either interesting or fucked up, meaning something has transpired in their life that has caused them personality-altering trauma.

While I agree that a lot of writers aren't the most normal people, I think lumping the rest of the non-traumatized ones into one overflowing group is rather silly. Everyone is interesting to someone out there.

I suppose what I'm getting at is that I'm struggling with what it means to be a writer. With attempting to write my first novel, the weight of "Authorship" is finding it's way onto my shoulders.
I'll sort it out one way or another.

Speaking of the first novel business, my writing is coming painfully slow. Molasses on a cold day slow. It's not that I have no time to write, it's that I find myself getting wrapped up into other things when I should be using that time for writing. I'll just have to make myself find the time, on top of a paper that I need to write this weekend.


On a lighter note, I've been listening to more Incubus recently. I haven't listened to them in a long while and I dusted off their album and gave it a listen. Amazing stuff.

America?

God told Me to Do it.

I'm typically not one for news from the Middle-East. It's always something that makes me think less of humanity. In this case, it's Religion with a capital "R" that is rearing it's ugly head.

At the end of January, two men were executed for being Mohareb, or enemies of God.

Religion does a lot of nasty things on which I could write an entire book about but when it comes to things like this, it's a truly sad moment. Most likely, these men committed some political crime the details of which are too sensitive to be released, so they are made into demons instead.
It gets so tiring hearing about crimes that are brought on by faith in one form or another. For all the people dying for Religion, you would think that more people would have figured out by now that it's not really a positive influence in the world. Whether it be the crusades or a young Christian man who feels ashamed for having sexually explicit thoughts, Religion, particularly fundamentalism is a damaging force in the world, whether it be on a large scale or on a small scale.

Let This Soak into your Cerebrum

T.C. Boyle and Exploring the Sexual Mind

I've been reading a lot of books lately and I landed picking up a novel by an author I've never read on the recommendation by an old professor, a novel by T.C. Boyle. After the first 5 pages I was really absorbed in the novel.



The plot of the novel revolves around Professor Alfred Kinsey, the first person to publish legitimate research about the sexual behavior of the human animal. You can find an extremely short biography of the man here.

http://www.kinseyinstitute.org/about/kinseybio.html

The novel is so intriguing because it's about what might have happened. The protagonist is a young man by the name of John Milk. He works under Kinsey as he tries to collect as many interviews as possible, trying to discover the true nature of human sexuality.

As an author, Boyle is quite entertaining. It's hard to think of a better novel that I've read in the last couple of years. Boyle knows how to most effectively pace the story to peak the reader's interest without making the novel read like a movie.
I would highly recommend this novel to those who find the premise interesting and I'm definitely going to be reading more T.C. Boyle. Cheers.

The XRS Community Rejoices

I don't talk about my car much on here but I drive a 2005 Corolla XRS and I LOVE IT. I'm on 9thgencorolla.com, easily the best forum for the Corolla 2003-2008. Anyways, the 2ZZ owners have been trying to break the 200whp mark N/A for a while now and it's finally been done by our resident Puerto Rican, Redliner9k. He's the man. 9000 RPM sounds beautiful.

Ramblings of a Tired Man

I walked onto campus at Antelope Valley College today with high expectations and the sharp yet pleasant aroma of cheap cigarettes drifting through the air. My English class turned out to be Contemporary American Literature, 1945-Present, which is far more interesting than the class catalog description of "Special Topics in Literature."
My Philosophy teacher's voice reminds me of the computerized voice you hear on automated phone menus, which might get old, but when you need twelve solid units to have health insurance, you're willing to accept less than perfection.
I missed out on my morning cup of coffee this morning so I was craving some coffee with my pipe when I got home from school. I ended up grinding up some recently purchased decaf coffee and I'm not really stoked about it. It doesn't even smell like coffee. When it's all done brewing it smells like an extremely sweet pipe tobacco, which isn't really a bad thing in my book.
That brings me to my new tobacco review. I've been smoking London Gentleman, which I picked up from that excellent cigar shop I talked about in my recent post. To begin with, it's a relatively mild English blend. Latakia is the star here for sure, but it's not overpowering at all. It packs nicely into the bowl and has a gentle and sweet tin aroma. Upon lighting the bowl, that strong English flavor instantly becomes present, but it's still quite smooth.
This is definitely more of an afternoon/evening smoke but it wouldn't be bad in the morning. I would recommend this tobacco to anyone who enjoys smoother English blends, particularly those in Southern California who can go and buy it directly from the aforementioned shop. You won't be disappointed.

With that said, I'm off to bed. It's been a long day and is most likely going to be a long week.

Cheers.

Decisive Review: Frog Morton on the Bayou

So after smoking nearly an entire tin of Frog Morton on the Bayou, I'm inclined to write up a more complete review for those who would like to know more about a tobacco before they shell out their hard-earned dollars not knowing for sure whether or not they'll like it.

I've gone over the tin aroma before, and so I'll just say that it's great. There's a strong woodsy aroma with an element of sweetness that balances out the strength of the Latakia. It packs nicely into the bowl. Upon first lighting it, I'm always very satisfied with the smokey taste. You're not going to get any overloaded with sugar taste anywhere here. Unlike aromatics, which I tend to enjoy more in small doses, this blend is best enjoyed in the biggest bowl you own. It smokes amazingly cool and sweet all the way down to the bottom, definitely my go-to tobacco if I'm in the mood for a long smoke.

Overall, this is easily one of my favorite tobaccos. I'll definitely buy some more from my local tobacconist if they can keep it in stock. I just wish my local tobacconist had internet prices; I'd much rather pay $11 for a 50 gram tin rather than the $16 I believe I payed in-store. I suppose with shipping it comes out to about the same, but still. I guess you end up paying for the ability to drive home with your tobacco in hand and pack a bowl right when you get in the door.

In other pipe-smoking news, I had a very pleasant experience at DW Cigars on Broadway in Santa Monica, CA. If you're ever in Santa Monica on 3rd St Promenade, walk down Broadway towards the beach and you'll run into this little cigar shop that carries an impressive quality of pipes and tobaccos. The thing I really liked about this shop was the customer service. The gentleman who helped me said something like, "you can either be a customer, which is fine, or you can be a client, which is something I prefer. I'd rather get to know you, so I know what you like." This attitude is rare at best. There are only a few places I've gone to where you are treated more like a person and potential friend rather than a being who is bringing capital into someone's business. I love finding this atmosphere.

I highly recommend pipe smokers to visit this shop although cigar smokers will find much more to enjoy there. They have an extremely well-stock cigar room. I'm no cigar smoker so I can't begin to describe anything about their selection but I can assure you, you'll get great service regardless of why you're visiting. Cheers to the helpful staff.

That's really all I have going on right now. Hopefully I can clean up my messy room today and get some reading done. Cheers.

antoine dufour - reality

don't buy aromatic

I've been experiencing an ever-increasing desire to write a book lately. I would argue that this is a very good thing but the only problem is that I'm so full ideas of what to write about and all of aforementioned ideas are painfully vague.
I've been reading as much as I can recently in hopes that I'll finally land on what it is that I want to communicate to readers and I think maybe I'm starting to come onto something. I'll come back to this topic.

In other news, after smoking English blends for a while, aromatic pipe tobacco taste AWFUL.

Cheers.

That Country of the Soul

I've been experiencing something lately that is elusive at best. It's a feeling, or maybe a process, rather. I've been thinking about it a lot, trying to put my finger on exactly what it is. I debated whether I'm searching for "me," but I don't really think that's a legitimate search. Searching for yourself is something else, and calling it that is sort of a misnomer.
What I've been doing, I believe, is searching for my center. I'm searching for what fulfills me and makes my soul vibrate with life. It's something that's truly difficult to find. I'm in love with my beautiful girlfriend, and that's something that surely excites me, and she does complete a part of me in many ways, but there's another aspect that's beyond that. It's that aspect of myself that exists, but I need to find it and hone in on it, focus on it.
It seems like this search is taking the shape of a search on how to define myself as a person. This sounds pretty heavy, but I suppose it is.
To steal from my favorite author, Albert Camus, I want to find "...that country of the soul where one's kinship with the world can be felt, where the throbbing of one's blood mixes with the violent pulsations of the afternoon sun."
All of these questions have become more pressing due to the fact that I must find a serious path to a career so I can finish my school work properly. That simple question has forced me to really look for my center, look for my essence, look for that country of the soul.

Chase Banking

If you at one time did your banking at Washington Mutual bank, I apologize, because Washington Mutual is now Chase, and Chase is terrible. I don't like to be one to complain but this bank is just ridiculous.
To begin with, I can't deposit a check and withdraw it that same day. Secondly, they changed the amount of money that went into my savings account from my checking every month, without telling me. Thirdly, their overdraft fees are preposterous.
I am very tempted to pull my $36.56 out of my account and tell Chase to kindly lick my left testicle. They'd probably like that anyways.

The Great Perhaps

If you enjoy reading as much as I do, you've probably read more books than you can count. There are few that really get down inside you and change your views. "Looking for Alaska," by John Green is one of those books.
I don't often feel strong connections with characters, only a select few, but two of those characters are in the aforementioned novel.
It would be a waste of my time and yours to delve into a synopsis of the novel. I'd rather get into one of the main things the novel discusses.
The main protagonist in the novel states that he wishes to leave his rather mundane life to seek "The Great Perhaps," words that were apparently the last of one Francois Rabelais. The moment I read those words, they took my head off. What is The Great Perhaps?? The one thing that came to my mind was that it's referring to the uncertain state of post-death. But to seek that Great Perhaps has a suicidal ring to it, which couldn't be it.
What I'm coming to think of The Great Perhaps is that perhaps it represents our Great Potential. The Great Perhaps is a big unknown, so seeking The Great Perhaps means living life with courage and passion. There is most definitely something truly great to be taken from John Green in his novel. I highly recommend it. I may come back to this issue of The Great Perhaps if more thought and meditation yield more fruitful ideas.

Frog Morton revisited and helping people

If you've read my previous post about a new pipe tobacco I'm trying out, Frog Morton on the Bayou, then you've probably been on the edge of your seat for the past few days, waiting to find out what I think about it, but you probably haven't. After smoking several bowls of it, I like it more than I did when I first enjoyed it but it's not my top favorite English blend. In the beginning of the smoke, it smokes cool and sweet yet without losing that strong Latakia and Perique flavors. About 2/3rds of the way through the bowl, it has a tendency to smoke much hotter and it begins to take on a sort of damp taste which I really don't care for at all.
So all in all, I'm a fan of this tobacco although it will probably be something I buy only on occasion.

Now totally unrelated to pipe smoking or anything of the sort, while I ramble on about pipe tobacco, there are people in Haiti who don't even have a box to sleep in. The majority of us are busy people and cannot afford to travel to Haiti to help those in need, but there is a way to help, and that's economically.
If you've read anything ever about American history in the last hundred or so years, you probably ran across American policy in Latin America, and if you have not, let me tell you, it's really not pretty at all.
I see America's wealth in this tragedy as an opportunity to improve the world's opinion of us a tiny bit.
I'm not going to be the guy who attempts to lay a guilt trip on you and tell you that you're a horrible person if you can't donate $10, because in all honesty, I myself can't even afford to spare $10 of my money right now. But if you can afford to, please do. We're all people, and we really should help each other. For those of you who can afford to donate, I'll make it easy on you, here's a link to the Red Cross

http://www.redcross.org/

and if you're even more lazy, here's a link to the donation form

https://american.redcross.org/site/Donation2?4306.donation=form1&idb=1630508867&df_id=4306&JServSessionIdr004=hd6y3q5hu1.app206b

Planet Earth Series

I had the pleasure of sitting down and watching the latest installment of Discovery Channel's Planet Earth series, and I must say, it's a damn captivating experience.
The best way I can describe the experience is that it's like looking up at the night sky on an astonishingly clear night; it makes you feel dismally small and insignificant. Between watching snow leopards take down rams on a shear cliff face and ancient pre-human ocean life forms swimming around in Mexican underground caves, sitting here at my laptop typing this seems pretty pointless. How can one cope with being so unfathomably insignificant?

Why Money is just awesome...not so much.

I hate very few things, but when I do hate something, I hate it with a burning passion. One thing I hate, and hate with aforementioned burning passion is money. Yes, that money, the one you used the other day to put gas in your car that you payed for with money and are using money to insure. It all ties into this vicious cycle.
I'm not one of those people who believes in worldwide money conspiracy theories, I hate money for a few small yet significant reasons.
Lists are effective:

1. It creates tension in relationships, namely mine sometimes.

I'm not sure if my significant other feels the tension, but I do. I don't make a considerable amount of money although I make more than the average twenty-year-old. I use the money I have to pay for my car which carts me back and forth to make money. (I'm not bashing my car, I LOVE my car and I love tuning it and yeah, I'm into cars...anyways) But when the weather gets bad and I can't go into work (You can't wash/detail cars in the rain), I have something like $20 to my name. This isn't a huge problem for me personally because I've got enough tobacco to last me until the next payday and I can almost always scrounge up some gas money.
The problem is that my girlfriend has to pay for things if she doesn't want to stay home. I don't know about you but I was raised as a gentleman and I absolutely hate when my girlfriend pays for my meal or whatever it may be. Maybe it's a stubbornness, but either way, it doesn't sit well with me.
What it comes down to is that money, or lack thereof, is preventing me from going out and being able to provide for my girlfriend as I'd like to, creating some unnecessary tension.

moving on...

2. You can never have enough of it.

This is rather self-explanatory, but money never lasts for a significant amount of time. My parents are always telling me to save my money but how am I supposed to do that when I have to pay for insurance, gas, and some minor eating out and having fun. In order to effectively save money, I'd have to stay in my house 80% of the time, and what kind of life is that?

3. People judge you based on the amount of money you have.

This is just ridiculous. I don't do this personally but I know a lot of people that do this, whether they do it consciously or not. It's really quite sad.

I suppose it's just something I have to change my outlook on. There's just only so much attitude-changing that can be done when need money to get around whether you like it or not.

Some new material and frogs.

I've made an attempt at doing pipe tobacco reviews and pipe-related discussions on Youtube videos but I have found that taking the time to create and upload videos doesn't really sit well with me. When I'm smoking a pipe, I don't want to be on camera talking about smoking a pipe, I just want to smoke. I'd much rather discuss those things here rather than make videos.
So if you read this blog, you can be expecting to hear some pipe tobacco reviews and discussions as pipe smoking is something I enjoy. Am I becoming too bourgeois?? I suppose worrying about it would make it more so, therefore I'll just enjoy what I like without worrying about how others view it.
For my first little take on certain tobaccos, I'll start with a tobacco I bought just two days ago, called Frog Morton on the Bayou.

I actually have yet to smoke it because I just haven't got the opportunity but the aroma from the tin makes it hard not to put in my pipe. There's a strong latakia aroma as well as perique, which is no doubt present in this blend. Other than that it seems to have another dimension that's really hard to put my finger on. It almost smells like pears, in the sense of how sweet it smells. I'll hold the rest of the discussion until I actually get to enjoy a bowl of this and I'll talk more about it then. Cheers.

a slim sort of betrayal

So I had plans with two friends of mine, one being a very close friend. The other friend got a hold of me to ask if I could not invite my girlfriend because she apparently just wanted it to be the three of us going to smoke hookah and hang out. I had already invited my girlfriend so I obviously wasn't going to un-invite her. All of a sudden the one friend didn't even want to go at all. I was a little annoyed but I left it alone in hopes that the friend who was closer with me would still want to go through with the plans without the other one. Turns out he's with the girl he's been blowing me off to sleep with for the last couple weeks. So I grow a little more annoyed.
I contacted the friend who originally flaked and she told me that her and my close friend had actually gone to hookah, and they hadn't said anything to me. I messaged my close friend and he said that he hadn't told me because he didn't want me to get mad. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My friends had blown me off only to get together to hang out as we had originally planned behind my back. I was furious. I'm still a little annoyed about the whole situation, and also because my close friend (whom I would never expect anything like this from), has yet to get a hold of me, and it's been two days since the whole incident. I'm still thinking of exactly how I should handle the situation. My gut is telling me to talk to him but my head most definitely knows better. I'll just have to wait and see how it turns out.

updates and writers block

I've really been wanting to start writing more seriously lately. I just don't know where to start, in a way. I guess the simple answer would be to just put the pen to the paper but for some reason it's not that easy. There's a block. I'm probably suffering from the same bullshit excuses writers have been using for centuries, namely "writer's block." I personally don't believe it really exists. I believe the condition is a combination of other factors wrapped up into one convenient explanation.
Anyways...I haven't posted in a while.
It's my own fault, it's not like I'm not on the computer, I'd just rather waste my time than write here. I'm going to attempt to write more often here. We'll see how that goes.
I've learned recently that even though shitty things happen, the world doesn't actually end. Like I didn't do as well as I would've liked last semester in one of my classes but I'm still sitting here feeling fine. Not that I shouldn't have tried harder, but I don't have to be such a control freak. Working doing car detailing has taught me that I suffer from some sort of control disorder that I'm not really a big fan of. But hey, what can you do, right?

I really hope I can remember to write here more often. Till next time, Cheers.