New Beginning-esque

Well this last semester and the grades I received made me realize that I'm not really doing anything significant. I've been just teetering along, wasting my money on stupid things, and just not really being responsible at all. This is not really supposed to sound like a self-pep talk blog style, but oh well. In the most poetic essence I can conjure, I need to make the best of the beautiful situation I'm in right now and get my head out of my ass. Next semester will be better. I'm finally getting a grip on who I am as a person, and what I can become, and I'm pretty stoked. I'm taking advantage of the this glowing opportunity to stop making stupid decisions and start making smart ones. Bon Courage.

Third Eye Blind

So we almost got lost on the way down to San Diego, but we managed to find the university in one piece and hurried over to the gym being as we were a little late.
Tina and I arrived at the gymnasium and the University of San Diego to learn that the stage Third Eye Blind will be playing on is small. Like high school talent show small.
The opening band was like a huskier version of Fall Out Boy, and was not very good at all. Tina and I wanted to get closer to the front, so we pushed out way into the already smothering crowd of hundreds, all trying to get as close to the front as possible. You could smell beer, hard alcohol, cigarettes and pot on everyone on the floor level. As soon as the lights went out and 3EB came out to play, countless joints, blunts, and bowls lit up throughout the crowd. The floor level was totally flooded with oneness, body heat, and pot smoke, which is really nothing to complain about. Third Eye Blind was everything I had hoped they'd be. I had built up this extremely awesome expectation that they met in every fashion. I feel so accomplished that I've actually seen my favorite band in concert. Stephan is amazing. Tony plays the shit out of the guitar; and Brad is a much better drummer than I originally thought. I visited my good friend Brooks and met his roommates who all seem like really good guys. The most entertaining portion of the trip was having to get off the freeway countless times for bathroom breaks and continuously getting more and more lost as we tried to find our way home. The more lost we became, the funnier it was. I'm so grateful she did this for me. I'm so glad I got to see Third Eye Blind. They are even more so my favorite band, and they earned it.

Last Week of Fall Semester 2008

So this semester has been an interesting one.
I've been doing well in my classes, but for the most part,
school has seemed more of a chore than anything else.
I would much rather be working on a car than writing papers
and this has manifested itself in many half-ass written papers,
but thanks to my training as an IB student in the class of B.S.
I have received good marks on all my papers and exams.
Now all I have to do is punch through this last week so
I can go to San Diego and see Third Eye Blind in concert haha
Thanks Tina.

IB

I had forgotten how much I love my friends from high school. Talk about an eclectic bunch. They all come from different backgrounds, yet they are all extremely intelligent. They all have an extremely unique sense of humor that everybody else finds hilarious. I love them all; especially Lauren. She's one of those people who I'm never going to be able to get rid of, and that's fine by me.

Completely off-topic: My poetry has been slacking pretty hard-core recently. I'm going to try and finish the mountain of unfinished work so I have something to show for the incredible amount of time I spend not doing homework when I should be. Great night. Cheers.

Blinded

When I was in a melancholy stupor, I began digging through old love notes and stuff, etc. I happened to run into the lyrics of this Third Eye Blind song printed on a tattered piece of computer paper. The afternoon I got them flew back into my head, it was kind of ridiculous, but I just wanted to share the song with you because it's a fantastic song, regardless of the ties it has to my romantic past. Third Eye Blind is and probably always will be my favorite band, love them to death. So here's that song, in an acoustic version the band did for AOL. Enjoy.

Interesting Evening

So after sulking in the past for an hour or so, I called my friend and she cheered me up significantly. No sooner than after sitting down at my computer after hanging up with her, the object of my previous lamentations pops up on my IM window on facebook. Should I respond?....Oh who the hell am I kidding, I replied right away. The following conversation between myself and the person who I firmly believed wanted nothing to do with me was interesting. It consisted mainly of us talking about the past and how things ended up working out. She's still under my skin; it's ridiculous.
Maybe a friendship will bloom out of the solid concrete.

Maybe she'll get crabs and stay home.

So like it has been for the last year and I think the year before that, there shall be a gathering of all the old IB and some AP kids from high school, in order to celebrate Thanksgiving. Last year was great, I definitely enjoyed myself. This year may be slightly more stressful. My ex-girlfriend/muse (on those nostalgic days) is planning on attending...which means me thinking more about her than enjoying myself. I don't know what it is about her, but her presence in the room alone can be intoxicating.
I attempted to coax the thrower of the party (my old amazing friend for life, Lauren) to un-invite Danielle, but that's a rather ridiculous idea.
So I'm just going to have to go in there with a straight head. I haven't spoken to her since the last time on the phone when I explicitly told her I was done chasing her if she wasn't going to display any sort of reciprocation. She never contacted me ever again, surprisingly, well, not really. Wish me luck.

Obama, Prop. 8.

The election frenzy has finally come to a close.
I was getting very tired of the ads on tv.
So I think everybody knew Obama was going to win, even John McCain knew it.
There was just not enough support for McCain.
Strangely enough, in probably the second most liberal state in the union, the ban on gay marriage passed. I couldn't believe it.
I suppose it's just a matter of time until that gets brought up again and goes the right way. I guess we're not as democratic as we think we are, either that or the American public is just not collectively ready for such open sexual deviance from their norm. While I think a lot of people want to support gay marriage, it goes against that religious and political conditioning they've had for so long.
Guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens.

...

So there's this girl.
I had a thing for her in the very beginning of the semester and I went for it.
It turned out to be not quite what I was looking for. I was looking for something a little more serious.
And then she turned into something a little more serious.
So now I have a girlfriend.
Wish me luck.

Cody? Je ne sais pas...

What's worse than falling behind in a foreign language class?

Losing the book for said class. That pretty much spells failure.

Guess what I did? Yes, I lost the stupid book.

But this story gets better for me. I went to see my french professor during her office hours for a little bit of assistance I was having trouble with. During our conversation, she said, "Well it will help a lot if you look on page 264 of your text book. Do you have your book with you?"

I reminded her that I had accidentally left in under my desk in class a couple weeks ago, and I didn't have $100 to buy another one (expensive even used), and to make a short story shorter, she blessed with the privilege of borrowing her brand spanking new teachers edition of the textbook until the end of the semester. Merci beaucoup Madame Aponte!

Political insomniac

So I can't sleep, and I've decided to delve into a light reflection on the presidential debate from this evening.
Both candidates were on top of their game tonight, offering up quick and intelligent rebuttals to each others arguments. My final opinion on them is that they have far more in common than most notice, or care to pay attention to.
Both McCain and Obama are rallying under the "change" flag when I highly doubt either one will truly change this country into anything more spectacular than it is now. Both are most likely interested in propagating the advancement of their own wealth, which is understandably human, but seems less than such when proclaiming to be just the opposite. Did that sentence make sense?
Anyways, however cliche, it comes down to choosing the lesser of two evils. I'm really not a huge fan of politicians to begin with, but seeing as I'm given the right to vote in this country, whether or not my vote has any impact, I enjoy exercising my right.
Now I have been pretty much set on my vote for Obama, and the more I see of him and McCain, the more I feel like I couldn't vote for John McCain. He throws in too much with the Bush ideas of "staying the course" and "doing the hard work." It's just political bullshit. If anyone is going to bring a fresh face and point of view to D.C., it's senator Barack Obama, so I'm officially voting for him. Why? Because I believe that he's what this country needs, at least more so than this country needs another fiscally conservative Republican president. He may be inexperienced, he may be different than all the others who could be in his position as of now, but he seems to have a good head on his shoulders, and a large (functioning) brain in his head, therefore I'm voting Obama. I hope I won't regret my decision in the future. Don't let me down Barack; I'm pulling for you.

a little bit of ginsberg-esque-ness lol

I walk beneath stripped-down streetlights,
Basking in the radiant glow of industrialism.
People gliding where they will,
Hiding in their philosophical congestion.
Hiding behind dusty mirrors,
They fill their cups with the special of the day.
Narcissism plus tax on sale today.
They spend their time spending money,
Spending time, spending money,
Trapped in fresh design of illusion,
Running from beautiful disenchantment.
I hope I’m free, leaping out
Of this cave, and not leaping into another.

Bullshit, anyone?

The more I think about religion and the existence of God, the more ridiculous it sounds. The notion that there could be a giant magical man in the sky who has always existed and will always exist, can hear and see all your thoughts, created the universe by some unknown power and continues to control and rule over every second of every day according to a perfect plan that he works out with an all-powerful hand and an all-knowing mind sounds like a giant, heaping load of hot, stinking bull shit. Wow, that was a run-on sentence. Anyways, yeah, I'm an atheist.

Christian, the Christian.

Today on my break from my English class, I wondered over to the large common area of the college campus. I noticed several people dressed in the same color purple shirt standing around a couple of people with books in their hands. As I drew closer, my suspicions were confirmed: Christian messengers spreading the good news. I smiled slightly and sat down on a short wall near enough to them so I was able to clearly hear their conversation. If I was lucky, maybe one of them would even attempt to guide my poor, poor soul to the Lord, that I may repent of my sins and know the love of God.
As I sat and listened, I realized how much distaste I have for Christians, especially the type who invade college campuses in groups in attempts to herd people into their lies. I understand that my diction may sounds a little bit harsh, but sometimes I write when I’m truly annoyed, and this is definitely one of those instances.
Anyways, as I was sitting there watching a guy whom I knew from valley bible attempt to talk this young girl into his B.S., I noticed another familiar person across the way, with yet another shining bible resting in his palm. It was a flash-back. The guy standing there was none other than Christian (ironically enough), the boy who was baptized during the same ceremony as myself. We’ve clearly gone down different roads; he towards the loving arms of Jesus, and myself into the fiery pits or hell, depending of course on how you look at it. I see myself as wiping my eyes clean of the years of deceit and self-delusion and coming into a more complete and realistic view of reality, while I see him as plunging himself deeper into the sad, fairy-tale depths of self-deceit and wishful thinking.
All this thinking merely from the sight of these people, incredible. I really wish one of them would have come over to me so I could open his eyes, but alas, no such luck.

Dan Tran

Today I found out that one of my fellow IB kids passed away.
Dan Tran was one of the nicest, most down-to-earth people
I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Life is precious, and things like
this make you realize it. I wish I could've talked to him before he left.
The picture with him and I is going in a frame today.
I miss ya Dan. Rest in Peace.

My Friend in Art 101

Granted he likes to throw his political opinion into his lectures more than is necessary, but my Art History professor, Dr. Davisson is an intelligent likable professor. This morning one of the girls in the back of the class decided to question his methods of examination, and asked in a rude way if we were allowed to leave when the ten-minutes test was over. It's not her question asking that grates on my nerves and patience; it's her tone of voice. It has several different tones overall ranging from annoyingly rude and out of place to authority-challenging and all of them are obnoxious. Not to mention she has to correct the professor on the pronunciation of her name every class, which she does in an aggravated annoying manner. The fact that she's won over the assistance of those students sitting around doesn't help either. I may have a hard time tolerating this much longer.

On a different and slightly less annoyed note, my lack of friends and female company is continuing to relax me. I find that I care less about my phone, which I love; I care more about what book I'm going to read when I get home, which is good; and my overall level of stress (which was never super-high) continues to decrease. I don't really need to be around friends 24/7 to be content, I just used them as more of a crutch in order to avoid boredom. Cheers to being a loner, well, not really.

Friends, and all the ones I don't have.

Something strange has been happening to me recently.
I'm beginning to find I don't have any friends left.
After throwing that party at my house and getting caught for it, ties with my friends from the 2-5 crew have never really been the same, but that's entirely my fault. I haven't made an effort to hang out with them or even get a hold of them, with the exception of Coleman, who in my opinion doesn't even qualify as one of them.
Recently, my previously "best" friend accused me wrongly of attempting to pick up on his girlfriend. When I argued my case and his accusal fell apart, I did it "subconsciously." His point basically turned into what appeared to be a reason to dislike me, I have no idea why. We decided to drop it and be cool with everything, but you know how that goes. Neither one of us has made an attempt to contact the other one, so the friendship is dying with a slight whimper. So it goes.
But as my friends dwindle rapidly, I find that I become bored less easily and am reading more, listening to more records, and basically just being myself, rather than being influenced by the activities of others. I guess the main point of this not so informative digression would be to say I'm cutting ties with most of my friends, and it's really not that bad at all.

Atheist Fencing

I've noticed something about myself. When I'm in a good mood, my fencing is on-point. My distancing is perfect, my response is lightening fast, and my technique shines through. On the contrary, when I'm in a poor mood or when things in my life are going less than perfect, my fencing suffers. This tie between my emotional health and fencing ability has to be something significant, but I'm just not quite sure how yet.
I'll have to wait and see. One thing I am becoming more and more sure of every day is that God is fake. I've been force-fed bullshit about God and Jesus all my life and I just accepted it as true, when it most definitely is not.

Maybe they're right...

Today my grandad had a conversation with me about why it's imperative that I NOT vote for Obama, and why I shouldn't smoke cigarettes or "loco weed." Granted it was difficult to take such words to heart when the word "loco weed" is in the conversation, but I tried. The main point he was trying to get across was that I was young and stupid and when I was older and had more life experience, I would realize how stupid I had behaved in my younger years and learn what life is really about. In all honesty, I do have huge amounts of respect for my grandad, but keep in mind this is the same man who thinks the NRA gives voters 100% accurate information and thinks black people are just of a "different sort." I guess I'll just have to wait and see if he's right.

"Put money in thy purse..."

When people think of Shakespeare, they think of elevated language and coffee shops with pretentious snobs perusing shelves of literature and "good" poetry. I think this is a sad and false association. Historians have concluded that Shakespeare was a writer who worked for the entertainment of the common people. He is definitely one of, if not the definitively best, writers of the English language, but first and foremost he was an entertainer.
You may be wondering where I'm heading with this haphazard defense of a dead man's honor, but it's because I've become increasingly interested with one of his most "evil" characters, and he deserves the defense anyways.
The character is Iago, the one who pours poison in the ears of all the characters in Othello. He comes across at the beginning of the play as a villain, but nothing more than your typical evil-doer moving along the plot of your familiar Shakespearean tragedy; he is much more than that. After his first soliloquy, you find yourself asking, "What the hell is this guy up to? And why?" And you do never get a clear answer, which is partly frustrating and partly just the beauty of Shakespeare. As you can tell, I have a habit of becoming overly-acquainted with the characters I read about. I don't even know why.
Below is a scene from Othello with Iago's first monologue performed by Kenneth Branagh. He's excellent. Enjoy.

I believe in Karma:

I've had an interesting last few days.
I've had my best friend wrongly accuse me of "subconsciously" trying to pick up on his ex-girlfriend; I've had interesting developments in the romantic department with a good friend who I would have never expected; I almost shattered my ankle running into a 4-ft tall electric fan, and I've gotten caught smoking weed, again.
It's been interesting. I've felt like shit to be perfectly honest, not to mention the lovely acne that comes from all the stress, not to mention I accidentally slept through BOTH of my classes today when I woke up at 1:00 PM for no particular reason.
This week and half of the last one deserves a Giant "What the Fuck!?"
I realize this post is almost nothing but ranting, raving, and venting, but sometimes, that's what blogs are for.
On a lighter note, my long seasoned writer's block is beginning to fade and I'm starting to move out of the realm of depressing love poetry I feared I might be eternally stuck in, thanks to Mr. Allen Ginsberg's astounding work.
Hopefully my life takes some drastic turns for the better sometime soon.

Faith.

I'm walking down my hall, catching a quick glance at the tv as I pass by. Over a generic-sounding country song is a familiar-looking man in a cowboy hat with his arms raised to glorious heaven, it's Tim McGraw. The camera pans around McGraw to show the tattoo on his left shoulder, which is the word, "Faith," written in cursive letters.
I stop because I'm curious to see where this is going. All of a sudden the song comes to an apparent climax and there is an image of a small bottle on the screen and the announcer says, "The new fragrance from Tim McGraw."
American culture rocks.

reading in my backyard

So I'm sitting in my backyard.
The grass is wet on my bare feet, and the book in my hand is begging me to read it.
I start reading and suddenly I lose interest in the ink on the pages and my eyes drift up to the clouds sitting above my imagination.
The expanse of sky is almost unbearable without any shoes on; it's hard to ground yourself against the weight of the sky.
The farther into the clouds I looked, the smaller I felt, and the more contempt I had for the wandering wisps of reddening white.
To be a person in a town full of people that doesn't really matter in an area full of towns that don't really matter in a state full of cities in a country full of states on a planet full of countries that don't REALLY matter can make you feel pretty light.
So the trick is to balance the weight of the sky with the lightness of your insignificance. If you can get that, you're ok.

AVC Fall 2008

The beginning of a semester is always filled with enthusiasm, but its how long that enthusiasm lasts that really matters.
It's impossible to tell how long it will last for this semester because it's far too early, but I do have a good feeling it will last for longer than usual.
English 230: One of my favorite teachers, brilliant girl sitting next to me, gorgeous girl sitting behind me.
Art 101: Easy. Period.
French 102: not too interesting and not too easy, but at least I can use the same book as 101.
English 245: Judgment pending.

Amoeba

What's the cure for Sunday afternoon boredom in Lancaster?
A trip down to Amoeba Music in Hollywood.
Good call C-$.

So I could spend days and days in that store and still have more to look for.
What an amazing place, and the standard women there seems to be bumped up a notch or two. There might have been a sign I miss, "You must be at least this physically attractive to enter."
Maybe not.
Anyways.
Great place.

Also getting lost on the freeway is awesome, not really, but it's still better than being bored at home.

Definitely BBQ next time. Overall a great plan and an almost flawless execution.
Success.

Can't wait for school to start tomorrow.

New Semester, New Start

I'm a fan of fresh starts, and fresh opportunities to recreate and reshape things in my life that I either didn't like or have been lagging. The start of a brand new semester presents such an opportunity.
So just for the hell of it, I made a new blog and stuck a stake in the heart of my last one. So hope you enjoyed it, but I wouldn't be offended if you didn't even read it. I didn't. So yeah.
New semester.
Cheers.