hmm

I've been experiencing something quite strange recently.
When I first got into a relationship with my current girlfriend, I felt like I was holding back. I didn't want to put myself out there emotionally. Well it feels like I've finally let that go and now I feel extremely vulnerable and it's going to take some getting used to.

Same-sex situation

I usually don't like to publicly get into the controversial issues, particularly when emotions get involved, i.e. same-sex marriage, but on the private plane, I can't get enough.
At work today I was discussing California's recently passed Prop 8, banning Same-Sex marriage. As surprised as I was that California, one of the most liberal states in the union, shot down a proposition like this, I was extremely pissed off that people were so uncomfortable with this.
I believe the primary reason why people are unable to step even a little bit outside their box is because of their religious beliefs. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being religious, I'm just saying it's stupid, that's all.
Anyways, as my friend and I got into this little debate, it became more and more clear that I was right, he was basing his entire argument on God's condemnation of homosexuality. I had him squirming a little when I pulled out the Separation of Church and State card but then he made some claim about how Churches would be forced to marry same-sex couples which is of course ridiculous...like...really??
I don't know why, but I get extremely worked up about this and it just really gets to me.
On a side note, it's definitely Fall, and the weather is awesome.
Obama is an official Peacekeeper even if slightly undeserving, which is fine by me.
Cheers.

What I'm not proud of.

Envy is one of seven deadly sins.
I usually enjoy partaking in one form or another of the seven cardinal sins but envy is one I don't particularly care but unfortunately I seem to be disposed to spending time with envy's cousin, jealousy.
Whenever it comes to my girlfriends, I can be really jealous if another guy is spending time with my girlfriend when I'm not around, even if it does seem perfectly innocent.
I have no idea why I have this trait but I most definitely dislike it. I can't seem to help but be possessive of my girlfriends. I wish I knew why I am.
I've thought of several reasons why I could be...
1. I like what I have and the idea of not having it brings me displeasure.
2. I don't want other people to enjoy what I enjoy in that context. (Selfish, I know.)
3. I'm just an inherently bad person.

Now the last one is probably not true because I really don't think anyone is inherently bad, but I need to through it in there because a list of two is hardly a list at all.

Either way, I hope this trait of mine tames itself and tones down in the future, because it's something I'm not proud of at all.

Making copies

Ok, every time I get some important piece of information for a class such as a syllabus or a class schedule, it always ends up in some dimension other than our own. I'm beginning to think of conspiracy theories relating to this but I'll save that for a separate blog.
The worst part about the situation is not that I lose important copies of stuff, it's that the same day (after looking all over the place for a week) I print off a new copy, I find my original copy lying around somewhere.
Who the hell needs to copies of a syllabus for Comm 101? No one. I wasted 5 minutes of my life downloading and printing off 10 pages.
I don't why it's so frustrating, but it is.
On a lighter note, my Comm 101 class has been assigned an Oral Reading and the mass amount of possible readings I could do makes my mouth water. I'm probably going to read some of Albert Camus' earlier work if I can find something with some decent amount of relevance to the majority of the class which shouldn't prove to be too difficult.

Pipe Smoking and Online Book Buying

So I recently went through the resource-consuming drudgery of purchasing my books for this semester and I decided to check several different places online to see what the difference in prices was like. On a lot of places akin to Amazon.com, with Amazon included, I found the prices for both new and used books to be generally reasonable for what I was buying. I then decided to check Barnes and Noble because I was also curious to see how much it would cost me to just drive over to my local B&N and purchase all my books there (which I wouldn't be able to do anyways, they would have to be ordered). It suffices to say I was shocked. The prices at Barnes and Noble were grossly inflated when placed next to the exact same book on Amazon.com.
I could not believe it. But anyways, I suppose that little story was just to tell you to never, ever shop on Barnes and Noble online, unless you wish to unnecessarily burn through all your money holus-bolus.
I've been ever-increasingly enjoying my pipe. I recently picked up several new tobaccos from a nearby shop and tried some new ones. I've learned that I'm going to have to shop online for tobaccos due to the pathetic selection and variety available to me where I live (the conservative arm pit of southern California). I've also made a couple pipe videos on youtube partially due to the gentle coercion from a fellow whom I talked to from that community. So far it's an enjoyable thing, but there's nothing like writing a blog. It feels more satisfying than making a video, not to mention the effort involved in making a video sometimes defeats the point I think. We shall see how that goes. Cheers.

Starbucks and RSXs

There is something to be said about removing oneself from one's usual environment, even for a short period of time. You never realize until youre out of it how much your environment holds sawy over your thoughts, emotions, and overall state of mind.
At the moment I am gladly outside the Antelope Valley where I've lived for over fiftenn years. Even though Northridge is only a canyon run and a freeway skip away, it nonetheless provides the breath of fresh air that comes with a period of fresh faces and places.
I suppose one of the interesting things about California, particularly Southern California is that youre never really outside your comfort zone, assuming youre comfortable with Southern California culture. Even though this town may be different and fresh compared to the last town, there is still a Starbucks around the corner and still a slammed RSX down the street (crazy asians). So you truly get the best of both worlds.
Ok, I think I'm done rambling now, it's easier to drink my Starbucks coffee if I'm not typing.

Fall 2009 First Impressions.

Statistics: My teacher is INSANE but the class seems easy enough.
Geology: Professor is out to change the world but there are worse things.
Sociology: I don't even know what to think.
Speech: I'm just happy I was able to crash this class, by the skin of my teeth that is.

This semester has a good feeling to it. It really feels like a fresh start.

Ressurecting GSRs and pre-class nerves

I'm constantly re-learning a valuable lesson when it comes to working on/building cars. That lesson is that whatever you do, regardless of what it is, there will always be that one little last thing you have to figure out for it to work. After about 10 hours or so of finishing putting together an Integra GSR motor into a 1993 Civic EG Hatch, the motor would turn over but not actually start up. Talk about an extremely frustrating experience...
While this is something in the back of my mind, the beginning of my next semester and my continuation of my job at Lockheed are in the forefront of my thoughts. I'm excited for tomorrow. Cheers.

Pipe and thoughts.

I just finished enjoying a great smoke out of my pipe, a nice relaxing Captain Blend from a local tobacconist. I'd been thinking about that smoke all day and I finally got to get to it about an hour ago. I find I always do my best thinking while enjoying a pipe.
Maybe it could be from my mom because she seems to have a similar problem, but unfortunately when I think about upcoming events or due dates or other important things I have to take care of, I get this extremely uncomfortable anxiety. I have absolutely no idea why, but the pipe seems to help with that.
On the school front, things are looking up. Then again, it's easy for things to look up when coming from such a low spot. I start fall classes in two days, which I'm not particularly looking forward to, but it remains to be something I must do. Every semester I reserve my thoughts to making that semester a perfect semester where I do every little thing I'm supposed to do, and based on my past experiences of failure with that particular mindset, I think I'm going to avoid worrying about it and just take it in stride.
On the women side of life, everything's going smoothly. I'm still thoroughly enjoying my lovely girlfriend, something I haven't had in quite some time.
I hope I find more time for my pipe and this blog, which could either become more or less likely with the on-set of fall classes. I suppose we'll see. Cheers.

I miss You.

ugh

Most of the time we, as people, are coasting along the surface of life, content in our views, dogmas, families, and friends. Nothing is really that awful and things in general are good. Sometimes reality comes knocking on the door of our state of semi-ignorance induced bliss. This happened to me personally recently.
A friend I've had for a few years slipped and fell and did some significant damage to his head. I heard the news and went to visit him in the hospital.
The best way to describe my experience there is...saddening. This friend is one of those people who are just full of life. They take every opportunity to seize the day
and enjoy the night. He taught me how to drive the canyons, now one of my favorite things to do.
Now he's responsive but not quite there %100. It's painful to see. All I can do is hope with every fiber in my being that he'll make a full recovery.

Hookah, Cars, and Conversation.

I went out with my friend Justin, his friend Tasha, and her boyfriend Aaron (spelling?). Since Tasha is an interesting character fit for her own blog all on her own, I assumed she'd have an equally off-kilter but good-natured boyfriend. At first he didn't seem like it but he opened up a very interesting topic of conversation that I soaked in pretty well.
Building off of a conversation about college, he made a more generalized statement about how the past and the future are totally insignificant when it comes to the things that really matter, for several reasons. The past should obviously be kept in mind somewhat as to learn from one's mistakes but it must not control your thoughts. The future will work itself out if you focus on how you live your life in the presence.
The part that really hit home for me was the part about the past. He unknowingly brought all my past relationships and the regrets and emotions tied to those relationships. He mentioned something about how it's not the events or situations in the past that create the problems, it's the emotion that's tied to those events, and how one relates to those events. I realized that it had taken my something like two years to get over one of my ex-girlfriends all because of my lack of understanding of this concept. My regrets about my academic decisions and lack thereof has also been influencing my negatively. It's all a process. Life is graded on a curve so there's really nothing to worry about but the present, and life's easy to handle moments at a time.
In essence, this stranger opened a lot of doors for me, and shut a lot of doors that have been been open far too long. So thanks Aaron, you helped me more than you know with a few sentences. It's been a long day, I'm going to bed. Cheers.

ramblings and pipes

It's been a very long time since I've actually missed someone. Maybe it's because I'm a cold-hearted SOB, but I doubt that's the reason. Ashley's gone for two weeks on the East Coast and I'm missing her after a day. This could be a very long two weeks.
On a non-emo note, I've been enjoying my tobacco pipe from Dean for my birthday. The first time I tried it, I was less than impressed but I'm glad I gave it another shot. Talk about a relaxing activity. Enjoying a pipe is something I can see becoming a more regular occurrence. I'm also in need of a new interesting book to read. My recent choices have been failing me. A trip to the store is in order. Wish me luck. Cheers.

3eB

Seeing Third Eye Blind is always amazing.
The first time I had the privilege of seeing them I was hoping for them to play my favorite song, I Want You, and alas they did not.
When I saw them at the beautiful Ventura Theatre, they played I Want You in an acoustic set. It was ecstasy. Here's another song they played from that very same
show. Cheers.

Girlfriend.

It's been a very long time since I've been in a somewhat serious relationship, and that's not to say that this is serious or anything, I'm just saying it's more than messing around.
On the school front, I'm taking a summer class, which sucks, but at least I'm getting some work out of the way.
My car is running beautifully, and looking good.
This blog was in desperate need of an update.
Cheers.

Cody: Long over-due Update

Unfortunately, this blogs gets a lot less attention from me than it deserves and I'm hoping I'll be able to change that soon.
Updates on my life:
1.Quit McDonalds in favor of detailing cars (Fuck YEAH!)
2.Schools almost done (this semester = epic phailure)
3.My car dropped about 2.5 inches in height :)
4.I've decided to change my major from English to Computers.
5.I got cock-blocked by God.

I want to extrapolate on that last one there ^^
There's this absolutely gorgeous girl who works at my bank and every time I go in there and see her, massive flirting and joking around ensues. I'd been working up the courage to ask her out for a few weeks (yes, she's just that hot) and finally on Thursday last week I did. Here's how the conversation pretty much went:
Me: Last time you helped me, my cash came out in all one-dollar bills.
Her: (Flirty) Oh, Did I do that? (twirling hair in finger)
Me: Yeah, not cool.
Her: Were you mad at me?
Me: I'm not gonna lie, a little bit haha
Her: (FLIRTY) Will you forgive me?
Me: I'll forgive you if you let me buy you a cup of coffee...
Her: I can't
Me: Why not?
Her: I'll get in trouble with my school...
Me: Where do you go, Nazi Germany? lol
Her: I'm not allowed to be off-campus with a guy, I go to West Coast Baptist College.
Me: Oh damn. See ya later then.

The moment those words rolled off her tongue, my heart just dropped. West Coast Baptist College is a Bible College attached to one of the biggest and richest Baptist Churches in California. It's about a sneeze and a fart away from a cult.
Women should wear ankle-length dresses and walk behind their men, not next to them - that sort of thing. Psychos. So in essence, God himself extended his mighty invisible hand to make my actions and temporary courage completely and utterly futile. Stupid God, always messing things up.

The Early November

Great band. Enjoy.

A much needed update

As this blog has been all but ignored for quite a long time, I'll do my best to catch up. School is the same crap day in and day out with the exception of my philosophy class and my short fiction class. When you leave a 3-hour class feeling totally invigorated, you know it was a good class. As for work, McDonald's continues to be the cesspool of Capitalist undertones that plagues my week. This may seem melodramatic but if you ever get a job there, you'll totally understand where I'm coming from.
As for the romantic life, I'm finding that there's not as much to it as I once thought. There are few things a determined individual can actively accomplish in this area of one's life. It's seemingly much more effective to let whatever sort of fate exists to just take it's course.
Where friend's are concerned, I'm apparently good at driving them away, save a few. Either this is the case, or I need to come up with a more effective method of determining the character of a person as soon as possible.
Where reading is concerned, "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" is a wonderful read. I'm almost done with it and I'm surprised I'm getting as much out of it as I am.
I've been wallowing in a little too much philosophical struggle recently and I think it would be better for my mental and physical health for me relax a little more. I think way too much about things that I don't think I can change. I realize this sounds very ethereal and you may not really care. But what if I CAN change these things? Then it becomes relevant.
I'll try to shoot another post up here soon, and overall in a more regular manner.
Cheers.

C'eSt La Vie

I met a girl. She seemed to like me a lot so I stuck around, even if my feelings weren't as strong as they should've been. I may have lead her on, I may have not. There could be a plethora of factors that haven't even been weighed in. Oh well, I settled it. This blog deserves some love and shall get some more of it soon. Cheers.

Wanton eyes

The freezing wind
through which I stare
breaks down trees
to make them bare;
and blows through me
much like your eyes,
the playful gods
to my wanton flies.
How can I escape,
how is prey set free?
It proves trying
when merely eyes can capture me.

-Note: "Wanton Flies" is a shakespeare reference, not a chinese food reference lol

Root canals

There's this girl in my British Literature and Philosophy class. She constantly feels the need to use large words but she uses them incorrectly. She speaks over other students when they are called on. She "answers" questions with totally irrelevant information 99% of the time she is called on; keep in mind she raises her hand to respond every time there is an opportunity to do so. She even responds to questions regarding text she hasn't read from the book she has yet to purchase. I've been trying to describe how annoying this person is to several friends but I can never quite describe it sufficiently until today. As I climbed out of the chair after getting a root canal this afternoon, it hit me. Annoying girl = Root Canal. Both are equally as annoying and unpleasant. Now thats saying something.

School tomorrow.

I don't have much to say other than I am excited and slightly nervous for school to start. I can't explain the nervous feeling, but it feels like something good and/or significant is going to happen. I don't really know how to describe it, but I'm just going to wait and see how things pan out, wish me luck! Cheers.

Open Forum

To be perfectly honest, I was a little hesitant to be the only atheist stepping into a crowded room of Christians in fellowship. It wasn't where I was going or who I was going with that bothered me, it was the fact that I had no idea how myself and my outlook would be received, maintaining I am the underwhelming minority. I was totally surprised to find a large group of genuinely caring and nice people. I caught a few rolling eyes when I proudly played devils advocate but I was approached directly after the group discussion by a guy who was sitting behind me. Him and I immediately launched into another discussion bordering between theology, philosophy, and general semantics, the latter of which was very brief.
There's not much else to say other than I feel that I have made some friends with genuine people whom I would definitely be interested in talking to again. It's strange, but after having such a discussion, I feel full, as if I've just eaten a large meal. It's a good feeling. It's the feeling of good, honest, discussion. Cheers.

It's "you're," NOT "your," for Christ's sake.

So this guy wants to kick my ass, and for absolutely no reason. A little crucial piece of information was communicated in not quite the right fashion and it was basically taken up the ass on his part. He completely missed the point of what I said, and my friend should have just said nothing, but there's no use in crying over spilled milk. The situation is essentially going to simmer down to where we both forget about it, with nothing happening, and that's perfectly fine. This situation has made me think about a few things, mainly how those with brawn feel they possess the right to threaten and just be a dick in general to those with less strength than them. I don't go around criticizing their intelligence, whether or not it is below my own, and why? Because it's inappropriate and unnecessary. I can put people down with my words all day long, but I don't. And when I get a message where I am being threatened with violence and 70% of their grammar and spelling is that of a 2nd grader, I can't take them seriously. It's comical and ridiculous at the same time. People need to realize that everybody else is just as human as they are. Violence has never really solved anything, and I don't think it ever really will. I may be roaming into peace-nick territory but that's ok, someone needs to.

Catcher in the Rye

It's strange to me that this book is so famous. I can understand the logic behind it being popular, but I've heard things about this novel's ability to alter lives. I truly didn't get that from this at all.
Overall, it was a fun read and easy to go through. The character development was lively and the pace of the novel made it very readable but there was nothing life-altering that I can find in it. I'll have to devote a day to another read-through when my schedule and patience affords it; maybe I can find more there.

Nag Champa

I've been having some significant difficulty in focusing on my writing recently. I'll make a point of sitting down to do some freewriting but my thoughts always wonder in a non-productive direction, which is frustrating. I've found something that helps me concentrate relatively well, and that is a very well-known incense from India known as Nag Champa. When you smell it, you instantly think, "incense!" It's an amazing thing. I can't quite explain why, but it has the ability to clear the mind. I'm surprised.

W.W.J.D?

So I'm taking my brother to the dentist and I'm waiting at a res light when my brother looks over at me and says, "look, it's jesus." I could not stop laughing. I mean, this guy was legit. You could see the compassion on his face. So anyways, I decided to create a motivational poster lol enjoy.

Sars.

You know that guy on the baseball team that couldn't hit the ball if his life depended on it? That one scrawny guy on every little league team that swings his hardest and misses with utter accuracy every time? That's me, metaphorically. Last week, my friend attempted to hook me up with two different friends of hers while yet another friend enthusiastically introduced me to another single female friend of his. Maybe I have sars. Anyways, I started making casual conversation with these girls, flirtatious, yes, but more friendly than anything. For some reason, I landed in the dreaded Friend-Zone three out of three times. It's either the me, or it's the girls. Whatever it is, it's starting to get really annoying, really fast.

just some pagan author

"But to be pure means to rediscover that country of the soul where one's kinship with the world can be felt, where the throbbing of one's blood mingles with the violent pulsations of the afternoon sun." -Albert Camus

Many people are made to read "The Stranger" by Albert Camus in highschool, as an introduction to existentialist literature. Camus' novel is excellent, no doubt, but it pales in comparison to his earlier ventures into the stylized literary essay. The above excerpt from one of his essays entitled "Summers in Algiers" really captures the essence of his style and energy throughout this essay and many of his essays in general. I picked up his collection of essays from the store and by the time I had read the first page, I hated Camus' novels. Well not really, but stark difference in style and raw power between the two is so tremendous that it doesn't even seem like they were written by the same individual. I guess the who point of this advertisement is to tell you to go get Camus' collected essay, it's called "Lyrical and Critical Essays," by Albert Camus. The old Camus slips you into his writing and the young Camus punches you in the face with it. Cheers.

some poker and some jesusing.

So one of my best friends, if not my best friend, was throwing this poker night, pot luck sort of deal. I was game until I got wind of the caliber of guests who would be the large majority of those in attendance. That would be the kindly boys and girls from his Bible study group. Peachy. I figured I would still go even though I might be bored to tears or be forced to listen to Jesus all night. As the evening waned into the night I postponed making my decision whether or not to get dressed and leave, all based on the people who were going to be there. As I stood in my doorway in my boxers, I realized I wasn't going to Dean's house to slap around bible verses and talk shit about Obama; I was going there to hang out with my best friend, so fuck the rest of them. So I went. There was some bible talk but I avoided it with a roll of the eyes and a suddenly vacant seat at the table. Regardless of how many atheist were theoretically at my house playing patty-cakes, I would want Dean to be there, regardless of his personal beliefs. He's one of the best people I've ever met and that has nothing to do with anything else. So fuck all the rest. Oh, and "The Catcher in the Rye" is getting better exponentially, and...I can't play poker to save my soul. Cheers.

So sue me

I'm completely fine when it comes to being out of the loop when it comes to movies and tv, but being out of the loop when it comes to literature makes me feel like I'm missing pieces in my puzzle box.
I'm going to get a lot of crap for this, but I have just started reading "The Catcher in the Rye" this morning. I know it's supposed to be a timeless classic and not having read it is like never having heard the Beatles, but whatever, sue me.
So far, it's not really what I was expecting. It definitely keeps you entertained.
I'm not even nearly into it so I have no right to judge, therefore I'm postponing revealing my thoughts on this until I've finished the book.

On a separate note, I've been talking to a girl I met a while ago practically all day and I'm thoroughly enjoying it. There are very few people who can keep me on my toes, two being Coleman and Sage. They know whats going on. This girl definitely has that ability and it intrigues the hell out of me. I really didn't start this paragraph with a clear ending in mind, so I suppose ending here is just as fitting as anywhere else, so, Cheers.

If you're interested in writing check out http://www.writingforums.org/index.php

Atheism, the Case Against God

So this is my very first review. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to do this but I hope it will be enjoyable and at least slightly enjoyable for my readers, of which there are probably two.

Anyways, if you're after a more academic spin on the question of Atheism that seems to be a popular subject for authors recently, you might want to pick up George Smith's "Atheism." He's a very well-read author with an acute sense of rationality and logic. With great detail and patience he presents the most common arguments for theism available to the general reader. He even delves into some of the more obscure arguments for the existence of god, all of which he slashes down with an increasing appetite for destruction. This is really the only downfall of this book that I noticed was his not-so-unbiased view of Christianity and religious faith in general. He seems to possess a personal vendetta against religious faith. It's likely he is a disenchanted religious person himself. It's a great read for long-time atheist looking for a rational, academic bash on Christianity and theist logic. All in all, a book I enjoyed.

Good News

So after some extensive tests, it turns out that the only place my grandma has cancer is where it is already being treated, so this is excellent news. To be honest, that whole situation scared the crap out of me. I'm exceedingly happy to know she is going to be ok.

On a different note, I've been trying to come up with different things to do with this blog seeing as I struggle at times with interesting content to add. I've decided to write mini-reviews of books and stuff that I get into, so if you and I are like-minded, maybe I can lead you in the right direction when it comes to interesting reading material and such. That whole thing should be starting soon, maybe sometime tonight I'll become slightly less unmotivated.

Bad news

My grandma was diagnosed with throat cancer several months ago even though she never smoked a day in her life. Her condition was improving until several days ago when she wasn't able to breathe properly and was rushed to the hospital. After having a scan of her skeletal system, there's a possibility that she could have cancer in her bones. I don't know all the information with absolute surety but the situation's not looking too good. The worst part about this is that it couldn't be happening to a sweeter person than her. I don't even know how I'm able to write this to be perfectly honest. I hope more than anything that it's not as serious as it looks and that she'll recover from this. She's a strong person.

I've decided

So I came to a rather hefty conclusion yesterday. This conclusion is that I'm done putting money into my Corolla XRS to speed it up. I lucked out finding this rare toyota and I've been doing modifications to make it quicker and it responded quite well to them, but as a vehicle, it's not the premier car to dump money into it. I did all my figures and I would have to spend at least $3,000 to get this car where I want it to be. And when I've successfully put $3,000 worth of upgrades into it, it will be an extremely unreliable car. I want to start with a better platform, like a Subaru STi, or a Fox Body Mustang GT. There's more value in upgrading a car that is already making lots of power from the factory. A lot of people don't really understand this, hence this rather haphazard explanation. Hope this made more sense to you than it did to me haha